Monday, October 3, 2011

Different Now

Everyone goes through phases. Phases are just a part life. I look back on my teenage years and just wonder what happened? I went from being strong in my faith and relationship with God, to rebellious; a completely 360 degree turn. It's almost as if everything I believed was taking the trunk of the car, and everything else got the pleasure of bring inside the car with me. I know that everyone goes through this weird phase of adolescence, but for me it was different. When I entered high school I knew I didn't want to be like all the "cool" people, that wasn't my issue. Yes, things started to change for me in high school, but it wasn't until college that my rebellion hit full circle.

Things started to become more appealing to me that weren't before. I never knew that I would find myself doing some of the things that I wound up doing. I know I gave my poor mother some scares. For example, not calling her to tell her where I was and then not coming home until 5-7am. Completely lying to my mom, even though I never had lied to her before, taking advantage of the fact that I was trustworthy in her eyes. I'm not proud of any of these things. I look back and tell myself, "why didn't I just call?" During this time, church became less and less a priority and more and more unnecessary.

Living the party lifestyle is fun. It's fun to have no cares and to put all your troubles on the side burner, and to do whatever pleases you with no limits or boundaries. But really, it's only fun for awhile. It gets old waking up in the middle of the night so dizzy that all you can do is sleep. Or throwing up in random peoples bathrooms. Or barely getting home safe. What people who are in it don't realize is that there is happiness outside of partying. There are other ways to having fun that you actually can remember when you wake up!

I don't have any regrets in my life so far, because I have realized something really important: it was a learning experience. I have learned so much through this phase of my life.

1) I have learned who my true friends are.
2) Alcohol doesn't solve problems.
3) There is happiness in the world
4) Going to church is important
5) *God forgives and offers second chances.*

Four years ago i was finally coming to this realization. I was at the point in my life where I wanted better. I wanted to be the person I used to be. However, it was really hard to come back to being a believer, rather than simply believing. It's almost as if you feel, "where do I truly start?" I know the Bible, I didn't forget the years of Awana or Sunday School. The Nike motto was hard; how do you "Just Do It?"

Well, you take it one step at a time. You pray. And you have to truly feel forgiven and know that God really did forgive you of all your sins. I mean, most of the people that God used in the Bible were given second chances: David, Paul, Peter, Adam, Eve, the woman at the well, the woman who anointed Jesus with oil; they all were people who came with a past, yet God chose to use them. Do you ever think about that? God came down to earth to reach people who were broken, wounded, sick, rejected, poor, etc. He did not come for the already believers, for they already had the great news, but he came to reach those who didn't have the news of him. This gives me hope. Hope to know that God can use anyone, even a wretch like me. And hope that I have the power to make my future brighter than my past.

About the time I was starting to realize I wanted to change my life, I started to get messages from this guy on myspace. We started talking, realized we wanted the same things in life, had the same views, morals, and beliefs and realized that we could do better together. There's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for bringing Adam into my life. Adam was one of the main reasons why I wanted to keep my life changed and have a brighter future. I am glad that God agreed with me!!

Out Of Eden has been a Christian group that I have listened to for awhile. They are a group of three sisters, who sing uplifting songs, with a modern Christian message and sound. One of their songs, Different Now, speaks to the message I am conveying to you in this post. Here are the lyrics:

Everything is different now,
look at me and you can see i've changed somehow
you might think it's strange the way I hold it down
but I know (I know you want it),
and you know (I know you know) i got what you need
my life is different now,
look at you and i can see you're wonderin how
though you think it's strange the way i hold it down
know i know, (i know you want it) And i know (i know you know)
i got what you need

saw you drivin by just the other day,
i was riding in my car and my hands were raised
by the way that i was rockin
you thought i was bumpin biggie or jay
but i was steady spinnin fred cause i could praise for days
you hollared at me i was at the light,
said i was looking fly And asked what's up tonite
i said i know you used to see me at the clubs til three
but i don't kick it like i did cause there's a change in me


some of my girls i hadn't seen in a while
saw them at the mall and we traded hugs and a smile
they said we hear you're doing well you seem so confident
i told them that it wasn't me but it is heaven sent
i saw confusion in there eyes,
said i'm living right no compromise
i don't talk i don't dress like i did before
and if you give me just a minute i will tell you more

i am not the same, god has changed the game
found that it's okay, i don't have to live that way
i am not the same, god has changed the game
you know it's okay, you don't have to live that way
*Courtesy of*

Everyone has a past, but you have the power to not let your past define who you become in your future. I am happy to say that I am different now, and this is why: I am embracing the life that God has given me and using it to bless His kingdom, all for His glory.

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