These days I'm learning and growing. I know that right now God is teaching me how to be with Him, make time for Him, love Him, yearn for Him, and how to be a devout follower. I am thankful that He is teaching me these things now, because I believe that it is important for me to learn how to do this now more than ever. With Adam gone, it's easy to just crawl up in a corner, lock myself in bed, underneath all the nice warm covers, or throw myself in the closet and never come out. It would be so much easier to scream "Why me God?" Yes, that would be easy to do, but that won't get me anywhere.
Yes, there are days when I so wish that I had the personality to take the easy way out, but that's just not my style, or at least I am convincing myself it's not. Some days are extremely hard and I have to work hard to pull myself out of what seems like a never-ending hole. Other days, I feel like I'm on top of the world and I can take on anything that comes my way. Some days go by so slow I want to scream. And then there are days that go by so fast, I'm literally shocked the weekend came by so fast. There's never usually two days that are the same, but what I do know that is when I find myself making time in my day for God, my day is easier to get through. I'm not saying that just because someone spends time with God their day is automatically set to awesome-blossom. That's not it at all. It's just easier to get through a day when you know that there is someone who is carrying you through, who is on your side. Doesn't everybody need that?!?
I met up with one of my college room mates yesterday in Seattle and decided for the first time to take the ferry without my car. I really liked doing that. Bringing your car and driving it around in Seattle is a heartache waiting to happen. Never again!! Anyways, I decided to bring a book with me to read, to get me through the hour long ferry ride from Bremerton to Seattle. Lately, I haven't been feeling like reading, crafting, scrapbooking, or any of my hobbies for that matter, so when I feel like doing one of them, I jump on the opportunity. I brought the book, The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer To The Heart of God. I'm really glad that I started this book, because I can definitely hear God speaking to me through the pages of this book. I highly suggest that every one read this book, and I'm just half way through! There is a passage in the book that I want to share with you.
"The truth of the gospel is intended to free us to love God and others with our whole heart. When we ignore this heart aspect of our faith and try to live out our religion solely as correct doctrine or ethics, our passion is crippled, or perverted, and the divorce of our soul from the heart purposes of God toward us is deepened...Our heart is the key to the Christian life...Oswald Chambers writes, "It is by the heart that God is perceived [known] and not by reason...so that is what faith is: God perceived by the heart." This is why God tells us in Proverbs 4:23, 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.'"
I find this to be unseemingly true. Our faith is supposed to be more than just making sure we don't sin, following the commandments to a T, and going to church every Sunday. Yes, these things are important, but our faith is supposed to be a relationship with God, and we aren't going to develop that relationship if our heart is not in the right spot. If our heart is not in it, then does our whole life count? You can live the perfect Christian life, doing all the right things, but if you have a bitter heart, than what is the physiad for?
There is a female Christian singer, Jamie Grace, that has me captivated by the sound of her voice and the lyrics of her songs; love her music! I love a lot of her songs right now, and really want to share them all, look out for more posts with her songs, but there is one in particular that illuminates what I am trying to communicate (haha that rhymes!). It's entitled, With You. You can listen to the whole song here, please do, she has such a pretty voice, but some of the song is below.
When I'm with You
When I'm with You
It's like anything, everything
That's been weighing on me
Falls by the wayside
When I'm with You
I love being with You
I smile when You say my name
Cause no one's ever said it quite the same
I listen for it everyday (You know, You know)
On cue, it's You perfect timing
Dusting off that silver lining for me
So I can finally see
*Courtesy of noa-christianlyrics.blogspot.com*
I think that God is trying to communicate to me how important it is for me to love Him. To wake up in the morning and yearn to grow closer to Him in the day that He has given to me. That there is more to life than just spending days with your husband (bummer). I am called to place God before my husband, to put Him first, not the other way around. It might be a wake up call, but I already knew this, it's nothing new. God is using this time of my life to show me how to prioritize the things of my life. I know I could ignore this message all-in-all and pretend like I don't hear it, but I do hear it. I want to listen to God's voice every day, like Jamie's song suggests. When we're with God, he'll carry all of our burdens and help us with the pain. We won't get that, however, if we aren't with Him. I want to respond to the beauty of his soul and find comfort and rest in knowing that everything will be ok, there is a reason behind the things he is doing, and joy in knowing that where He is leading me is where He wants me to be. When I find that, if ever I do, I think I will be content in finding peace despite my circumstances.
Hope these thoughts enlighten you, knowing that there is someone bigger and greater than you, that can help carry you throughout the rest of the week. Love you all.