Lately I have had mixed emotions about this current deployment. Half of me is like "Wow, this deployment is going by super duper fast," while the other side of me is saying "Is it time for Adam to come home, yet??!!??" Just when I think that time is flying by, which I am not naive to say that it has been so far, I experience those random days where there seem to be extra hours added into the day, which normally would be a great thing, but when you are waiting for someone to come home after months of not seeing them, those extra hours need to go away!!! This past weekend, the whole two days, I have felt like the latter.
I believe that most of it was due to me decorating for Christmas all alone. There was no one to say, "Hey, remember when we got that." Or "That looks really good there." There was no one to share in the excitement of decorating with. More so, when we didn't get to decorate last year, and this was going to be our first. To say the least, a piece of that spark was missing. No matter how much I tell my family that "Yes, I am ok," which I honestly am most of the time, no matter what, that is a lie because there's ALWAYS that knot in your stomach, where the only cure is seeing the one you are away from. Period.
I think a song that explains everything that I am going through right now, is Keith Urban's song, Why's It Feel So Long. I really have grown fond of Keith. Man, I don't think there is a song he sings that I don't/wouldn't enjoy! The chorus of the song says (you can listen to the whole song here),
Why's it feel so long
Since you've been gone
Why's it feel so long.
Time keeps dragging on
'Til you get back home
Why's it feel so long, Baby.
Cause I miss you babe
Well, to set one thing straight, um it has been long!! It's been 119 days as of today since I've kissed, hugged, and waved good-bye to my Sailor, hubby, and love with tear-filled eyes and the biggest knot I've ever felt in my stomach. Each day feels like a year, and every minute feels like a day. It has been a long time, but what gives me hope is the first half of the bridge of Keith's song:
When I finally see you
I know it'll be like you never left at all
*All lyrics courtesy of cowboylyrics.com*
I know that in the end this will all be worth it, just to be in his arms again. ♥ The end is in sight and I know that we can make it through. My oh by golly, do the days have to feel like this?!? Goodness grief!! Cut me some slack! :D
On the bright side of my life, I GOT A CALL BACK FOR A JOB TODAY!!!! It's for a child care position with toddlers. I applied for it a couple months ago and had an interview with them two weeks ago. I will be filling out some paperwork, taking my drug test, and getting my finger prints done, hopefully all by the time I leave for Cali, where I will start officially with them a couple days after I get home in January. I really am looking forward to this opportunity to grow in knowledge and gain in experience. Although I am really scared and nervous, I am looking forward to the distraction. What great news to brighten my day!! I am praying that God will lead me and direct me to where He wants me to be. It all seems to be happening fast, and I just hope it's where he wants me to be and what he wants me to be doing right now.