Tuesday, March 5, 2013

6 months down, 2 months to go

Last week we hit the 6 month marker. Yes, you read that right, 6 months. And yes, you got that right, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM MY SAILOR FOR 6 WHOLE MONTHS: HALF A YEAR!!! That just does not seem possible at all. Yet it is. You'd think I'd feel better at this realization and this milestone in the whole deployment, yet sadly I am not. Although this means we only have 2 more months to go of this dreadful deployment, we still have time left on it, which is killing me and which consists of my negative view of it only being 6 months. It also makes me sad, because yet again he's missed 6 months of my life. And yes, that's a long time if you were wondering!!

It kills me, because this whole deployment I've been mrs. positve. THE WHOLE TIME! Yet now with only 2 months to go I turn negative. Pondering on this fact today, and re-reading some of my early deployment posts, I've come to the realization of what it is that has made me so negative recently: I've drifted a little further from God the last couple of weeks, and it's slowly catching up with me. I was doing really well at keeping up with my daily devotional (because I'm reading through the bible in a year) and sadly folks, I've gotten about a month behind. That's  one month of not making time for God in my day. Yes, I may still be talking with Him at points in my day, and praying for patience at other moments, but that's not enough. That's not all that He wants from me. It's not that He's expecting more from me, but He deserves sooo much more than I have been choosing to give him lately. My fellow 7th grade girl leader put it in perspective for me during our lifegroup on this past Thursday night. We were explaining to the girls how God wants a relationship with us, and if they knew what that actually looks like. And then she said, 

"Think about our relationship with God as a friendship. Do you want your friendship with one of your friends to be one sided, where they're just talking, and never take on the role of listening? No. None of us want that. It's the same with God. There are moments in our friendship with Him, where we need to listen to what He has for us to hear." 

This blew my mind away. I mean, I've always thought of my relationship with God in this way, but hadn't really realized that I've been having a one-way friendship with Him recently. This realization hurt to my core. I don't want a one-sided relationship at all, in any aspect of my life, yet alone my most important relationship I have. It was never my intention, but it's what was happening, ever so slowly. And this is how my negativity has been slowly creeping into my life. By drifting away from Him, I was allowing myself to fall into satan's trap that I can't make it through the rest of this deployment, instead of realizing that I have made it through this entire deployment, with GOD'S HELP AND NONE OTHER!!  

Rereading my post from the day he left, I can't believe that I was so positive on that day. You should read that post after you read this, and you'd be like, "Is this the same person?" And sadly, I'd have to {humbly} respond, "Yes it is. I promise that's me. Pinky-swear! I'm her!!" 

So with this all said and done, cheers to making it 6 months and for only having 2 more months to go!!! With God and distractions, it will go by so fast!

{ps. I know you all are wanting house updates. Check back tomorrow! :D }

2 comments:

  1. you're getting through it like a rock star girl!!! I read a quote the other day that totally goes along with your post "If you don't have time for prayer and reading scripture everyday than you are FAR busier than God ever intended for you to be" that little saying REALLY made me think! I'll be praying for you ♥ I can't wait for the house updates!!

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  2. Thanks for sharing that quote Marie-that is so true!! Thanks alos for the prayers and being there! :D ps your little one is way too precious!!

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